As recently as 15 years ago international rugby players put their bodies on the line for the sheer honour of representing their countries. Sure they were already getting paid for playing, but no one was getting rich. Today, the bonuses for victory are staggering – the consequences of defeat disasterous, the competition for top contracts fierce. No wonder footballers don’t want to get injured – it doesn’t pay. Recently a world acclaimed and admired cricket coach paid the ultimate price of pressure – and money in the game, with his life.
The mounting pressure is relentless – to look and be good enough, to be seen to have enough. As long ago as 1973 – Miss World, Belinda Green from Australia commented that her calves were a little fat. If Miss World doesn’t look good enough, who on earth does?
It seems to be increasingly unfashionable to be oneself anymore as society’s new icons parade on television and are splashed across magazine covers. The worse their behaviour, the more they seem to be idolized by a media desperate for circulation supremacy. Newspaper circulation is more likely to increase on the latest Brangelina rumour than on the genocide currently underway in Darfur. The media understands what gets the hits on the internet and continue pushing the boundaries of what can pass as barely acceptable.
Even folk of modest means feel the pressure of having to measure up, trading their perfectly good cars in after 3 years for a newer model. Why, for heaven’s sake?
It’s about the pressure, our inherent need to be accepted, to be seen to be good enough, and fear of the consequences of not measuring up – whatever they may be. In reality, the consequences reside predominantly in our heads, nowhere else.
The extraordinary thing is that the people whose approval we are so desperate to acquire really don’t care. They don’t care if we fail, and they care even less if we succeed. And why should they? They have their own problems to worry about, besides which we don’t really care about them either. We may care about mankind in general, yes. Some of us agonise about the suffering in the world. We care for our friends, our families, our community, even our work colleagues. But those that really care about us don’t care about how beautiful we are, what we drive or how much money we make – they care about who we are, and what we do. Those that do not care about us only enjoy watching our success so that they can gloat when we fall. Take note of the press frenzy surrounding such celebrities as Britney Spears and Heather Mills.
So why do we let what others may think of us stop us from trying? And why do we fear comparisions – is it the fear of not being good enough?
The vast majority of humans never get close to realizing the enormous talent and latent ability that they have. Why? Because they are too intimidated to understand their own self worth. We look at others who are successful and feel inadequate. So often as children we are told not to expect too much, so we don’t. Bless our old fashioned mentors, trying to protect us from disappointment. As a result, in our own minds we just don’t quite measure up. We keep hearing about who got the gold medal. We understand that it’s always someone else, but it’s not for us. No one really remembers who got the silver or bronze anyway, so it can’t really be worth getting.
But there is a precious secret that has been discovered by enough people to render it no longer a secret – and it is this: There is no relationship between lasting happiness and coming first. Deep down we strive for happiness, yet we continually agonise about something that may bring us what we want in the short term, but can never bring us what we really need.
The truth is that you are good enough. You always were, and you will be in the future. As you strive to be better, accept your successes with humility. Yes, by all means celebrate them – that’s good and it’s healthy. But stop comparing yourself with others in order to confirm your inadequacy. It's great to want constant improvement, but you are perfectly adequate. Just ask those that genuinely care for you - you know who they are. In the race of life there will always be some who are behind you, and some who are ahead.
The one’s who have discovered the secret are those who enjoy the journey, every step of the way! When I started running long distances my running mentor gave me some of the best and most invaluable advice he could have: “Enjoy the run.”
Paul du Toit
P.S. When I finished my Two Oceans run just after 12 noon on Saturday 7 April, I estimated that approximately half the field were in front of me and the other half were behind. But it was my personal best time, and although my body hurt real bad, it was the best feeling in the world!
